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Rabu, Juni 10, 2009

Choosing Your Words Wisely

If you use the words "I can't", "I won't", "I don't need to", "why should I try"? With a slight change to the way you talk to yourself you can start to feel good and empower yourself. You will find what you say to yourself turns out to be true!

Why is this?

Your brain is like a computer and you programme your computer each and every day. Your brain doesn't ask whether what you are programming is wrong or right, it doesn't know always know what's real or not unless you tell it, it will just accept this information.

An example being: If someone you loved has hurt you, you may keep telling yourself that all people who love you will probably hurt you too. Your brain just records this information for reference, its data. Now your brain will think that everyone you ever love will hurt you. Now, do you think this will allow you to behave in an empowered way or make you feel good? Do you think you will attract loving people into your life?

Now, what if you programmed your brain with some positive information:

"Okay this person hurt me and broke my heart - but that's only one person. I'm a great person, I'm lovable and I have many lovely people in my life who love me and haven't not hurt me. I know that the right people are coming into my life all the time. If someone hurts me, I will forgive them and let them move on."

Positive Words are so very empowering and feeling empowered means you are in control of your life, confident and happy.

Word to choose would be:

I can
I want to
I will
I must
I am
I love to

Speaking negatively is a habit and all habits - good and bad take time to develop but by developing new positive ones you can reach a new level of self esteem and confidence. It's really worth practicing this and repeating positive statements over and over until they become a habit.

The Challenge from me is for you to try it for a week.

Every time you catch yourself saying, "I can't", when you don't really mean it, instead try saying, "I can", and see how you think and feel about yourself then.

I have a daughter who is nearly three and have been showing her the benefits of this exercise. I hear her saying "Mummy, I can't get on my bike" I see her struggling and I ask her to say instead "I CAN get on my bike" and then, she says "I can!" AND it's like a miracle, the next time she attempts to get on she gets on. It's the same with her putting on her shoes or clothes.

This technique is also useful when you can't find something. For example: instead of saying "I can't find my keys" or whatever it is you are looking for. Repeat to yourself, or out loud "I CAN find my keys" or even better "I have found my keys". You'll be surprised at the results. It works every time for me. Have you ever looked for your keys and find them plainly insight? This technique really does works, try it next time to prove it to yourself.

Remember, the words you use to empower yourself will have a long lasting positive effect on your life. Practice them and make them become a habit (an acquired behavior pattern methodically stuck to until it has become instinctive).

They say it takes about one month to develop a habit but after a week, you will see that it starts to become easier.

Five Tips For Getting More Done in Less Time

The world of work has become very intense and moves at a faster pace than ever before in our history. To get ahead, or just stay even requires effective strategies for managing your minutes, hours, days or weeks. These five tips can help you be more effective by getting more done with less stress.

1. Plan
It is imperative that you plan your hours, days, weeks and months if you really want to accomplish more. Sure, the plans will change as external factors and internal factors associated with your business change. But, if you don't know what you will be doing each day, your days will be filled with working on unimportant and urgent stuff that happens every day while the important goes lacking. Working without a plan leads to more stress, especially in the intense and fast world of work that we live in today. A simple list of work to be done can go a long way towards getting more done. Make your list, refer to it often and mark it off as you complete each task.

2. Know your priorities
Make a simple list what is really important and urgent in your business and then focus on those items first. Too often we focus on what we like instead of what is important. If you aren't sure, then maybe you need to ask your boss what's important to him or her. Priority should be given to those tasks or issues that are important. We often live under the tyranny of the urgent, even when the urgent may not be all that important. When you make your list of work to be done, prioritize it according to what is important to your business or situation.

3. Don't over commit, learn to say "no"
It is easy to over commit our days at work or at home. Realize that most tasks take longer than you think, so allow enough hours or days to get the work done on time and right. Just because someone else has failed to plan and prioritize doesn't mean you have to respond as though it is an emergency for you. When you're feeling overwhelmed ask yourself, "When did you last say 'no'?"

4. "Haste makes waste"
The old saying from most of our Moms, "if there's time to do it over, there's time to do it right at first!" How many hours do you waste in a week doing stuff over because you got in a hurry and made mistakes or overlooked a big piece of information? Think about it.

5. Organize your files
Several years ago it was widely reported that most executives spend six weeks a year looking for stuff. Now that we have so much information it is difficult to "separate the pepper from the fly poop." The key to finding stuff when you need it is to get your files (electronic and hard copy) organized in a coherent manner. One of my clients requires any memo or document that is published to have the file path/name printed so it may be found easily. While this may be the extreme, it works and saves a lot wasted effort.

You can read all the tips and study the books, but as the old saying goes, "nothing works unless you do!" So, stop procrastinating and make the most of everyday. Make your list, prioritize your work day, organize your files and get more work done every day with less stress and effort.

How Can You Control Your Anger?

Anger is a very strong natural emotion. Your psychological outlook changes when you get angry. And if you do not know how to deal with it, you will feel all the harmful things linked with anger such as high blood pressure, heart diseases, digestive problems and tension. There are different reasons of your anger. It will be easy to control your anger if you think about its start, what causes it, and how it develops. You should understand the nature of your own anger before you can properly control it.

Anger can be caused by any internal or external phenomenon. You could be angry at a specific person (such as an assistant or a manager), an event (a canceled flight or a traffic jam), or it could be caused by worrying about your personal problems. Some people feel that their anger is really uncontrollable. They get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person. Irritation has an impact on their relationships. They get angry for most of their life, and it's a very difficult habit to leave. They should consider counseling to learn how to handle it. A psychologist can work better with them for changing their thoughts.

There is a simple way to deal with anger if you want to control it. Meditation and relaxation is one of the best ways to deal with it. You should sit quietly in your room and practice breathing techniques. It can help you to get rid of your problem. Another interesting way for coping with anger is to find humor in the situation. Sometimes it helps you if you find something funny to laugh at the circumstances. Mostly humor helps you to take things in the right spirit, and it is an excellent solution for anger management.

You should change your environment as it contributes to your anger by causing irritation. When stress becomes more intense, you should leave for a few minutes to cool down. Good communication is one of the best ways for coping with anger. You will be able to listen well when you learn how to communicate well. Angry people tend to jump to conclusions and react excessively. This problem can be solved by slowing down and thinking about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other people are saying before responding to them.

Beginners Tips For Controlling Anger

The nicest people you've ever known can get angry. It happens to the best of us. It is easier to control for some than it is for others. If you are a person that has difficulty with your temper, here are a few tips for controlling anger to make you a more likeable person.

When anger gets out of control it can be detrimental to any relationship. Those who have a hard time controlling their anger tend to blow up instantly over the minute things making it hard for others around you understand what is going on.

The first thing that must take place is if there is an anger problem, it has to be acknowledged and accepted. The person has to in fact take the first step in admitting yes I do have an anger problem in order to help them selves get better. If they don't admit they have a problem, the best help for these individuals is anger management classes with a professional.

Understand why you are getting angry. What is ticking you off? When you see a situation heating up, dismiss yourself, go take a walk, get a breath of fresh air, or go in another room.

The main rule is to exercise self discipline. Don't hit anything or anyone this could lead to legal issues and harm others. Go take a walk, do jumping jacks to calm your self. Take deep breaths. Find something relaxing.

Try to think before you speak. Sometimes angry people feel someone is lashing out at them and they retaliate. In many cases a comment may not have been aimed at you at all, so don't take everything too personal. These tips for controlling anger is the beginning of a new, positive direction at enjoying life more and others around you.

Empathy is a Skill That Can Be Learned in Anger Management

Almost daily I teach skills in empathy to my clients in either our anger management classes or in one/one anger management coaching sessions. Empathy is the ability to see another person's viewpoint from both a content standpoint and an emotional standpoint. Most people can understand the "content", but lack the abilitiy to fully understand how the other person is experiencing them or the situation from an emotional standpoint. This lack of understanding is part of what creates problems and often situations escalate as a result.

So, what can you do to increase skills in empathy? The first thing to understand is the empathy is a skill. You can improve it simply by understanding it and practicing it. Second, empathy is part of a larger umbrella to our overall ability to connect with others. My clients often want to improve communication skills first while not realizing that empathy and communication are interwoven together. One can not be an effective communicator without the ability to empathize with his/her audience. To have empathy, one must be able to identify the emotional experience of the other, to feel the others feeling and relate to that person in a way that lets them know they are connected and understood. Not just from the content, but the emotions they are experiencing. These skills can be learned in either an anger management class, anger management coaching or a well established online anger management course

While it may take time to develop empathy, it can be one of the most rewarding skills to develop. Persons with high levels of empathy tend to have closer and more intimate relationships, are sought after for support and leadership, and experience less stress.

The Steps to Reducing and Eliminating Stress

Unfortunately, stress is very common in the workplace and in public life today, and these tensions can carry over into other aspects of life. A key reason for this is the pressure of our competitive, success-oriented age.
Here are the basic steps to reducing unwanted stress:

1. Calm Down with Relaxation Technique.
Develop a trigger for yourself, so whenever you feel sensations of stress coming on, you can catch yourself and remain calm and relaxed.

2. Understand the Sources of Your Stress.
To find out the reason you feel tense, get in a relaxed frame of mind and mentally ask yourself the question: Why am I so tense right now? Then, listen to whatever thoughts immediately pop into mind or notice any images that appear.

3. Decide What You Need to Do to Get Rid of This source of Stress.
Once you have determined the reason for your stress in a particular situation, the next step is asking yourself what you should do about it. Ask the second question; What do you need to do to stay calm?

4. Chase Away Any Worries About the Problem.
The final step is to chase away any worries about achieving the results you want.
If you've got any worries standing in the way of overcoming your feelings of tension, you've got to eliminate them, and you can do so in four ways:

a. Come up with an alternative , so you can act to affect the situation.
b. Visualize the outcome you want, and your focus on this will help bring about the desired result.
c. Remind yourself that you will do it to build confidence.
d. Affirm that whatever happens is what should happen, so you can accept what comes and feel satisfied with it.

Depending on the situation, use any one or a combination of these techniques. Then, when you are done, turn your thoughts to something else, unless you have planned to take a specific action, so the inner powers released by your concentration can work within you to help create the change you want.

Tips on How to Reduce Stress

As we all walk this road called life, there will be different challenges that will confront us. And one such challenge or obstacle may be of a physical nature. Because of the complexity of our bodies, there could be several people with some sort of a physical aliment, yet, each situation completely different from the other. Each individual could relate to their own situation, and at the same time, know nothing at all about another person's physical condition.

However, I have discovered that there is a common condition, situation that most of us at one time or another have suffered from, some individuals have on a daily basis, and it is called stress! Now, I have been in the ministry for over half my life, along with being a pastor for nearly ten years. Also, I have been a chaplain at a maximum security prison. So, I qualify to know what it is to deal with stress. Anytime you have to deal with the public, people in general, it will always involve encountering stress. I remember once telling my doctor, during my annual physical, that I was wanting to reduce the stress in my life. He knows that I pastor a church and asked, how was I going to that-retire?

Therefore, I have come to the conclusion, unlike a physical condition that could be a temporary situation, stress is here to stay. Since I am not going to change what I do in life as far as work is concerned, I one day determined in my heart to learn how to reduce the stress level in my world.

Now, one good motivator to learn how to reduce stress is this thought: Reducing stress will lengthen your life! All kinds of things can develop due to stress, such as for example, your heart, blood pressure, and even your cholesterol level to name a few, can be effected due to not learning how to reduce the stress in your life.

There are numerous ways that are very effective in reducing stress, and in this article I want to share with someone what helps relieve the stress level in my life. First of all, I am married to a wonderful woman, who is my best friend, who is always in my corner. She is on my side, and is there for me when I need moral support when things get rough. However, I have found that it is good to have a friend that you can relate to besides your spouse. I have been blessed with a older pastor,who is a father figure to me, a mentor, who I can call and talk to, which helps me to deal with stressful issues. Also, going to church, participating in the services has helped me to deal or reduce my stress level. The idea of just being with other people has a way of relieving stress in a person's life. Many times I have gone to a church service with a heavy load on my mind, but was helped, able to better cope with what was going on in my world, the stress for a short time had gone away. I must include, that what greatly reduces my stress level is my daily prayer and Bible reading.

The next two techniques that have always worked for me, which I enjoy very much, is a great stress reducer for me. I love being around children. They have a way of helping you to forget everything that may be going wrong in your life. Perhaps a phone call to one of my children or the children in my church will come and give me a hug, and tell me that they love me. This has never failed to help me deal better with the current stress in my life. Then, there is my extended family, my dogs and cats. My pets, these friends of mine have always been able to reduce the stress in my life. I do have a indoor cat named Aaron or I should say Sir Aaron. He is not your typical independent cat. But, he needs my attention, and I must say that I need his attention as well. On any given day, Aaron will jump on my lap and purr himself asleep. Once in a while he will pat me with his paw as though he is telling me, it's going to be alright.

Here are a couple of other ways I have found useful in helping to reduce stress in my world. I have discovered that playing a game on the computer, such as solitaire, helps reduce stress. Now, this next technique is going to seem hard to believe. I have three acres of grass that I mow, and cutting the lawn has become a great stress reducer for me. When I am on my riding lawn mower, this has become my outlet of getting away or occupying mind on something else other than the stress related issues in my life.

I know that we are all different individuals who deal with stress on an on going basis. Also, I acknowledge the fact that what may help reduce stress in one person may not work in another. But, the important thing to remember is this, find something that does help you to reduce your stress. Your life depends on it.

Hello, my name is M. Lee Miller, I have a Doctorate in Theology and a Ph.D in Religious Studies. Being in the ministry for nearly 30 years, along with being a pastor for over nine years, there have been many problems, situations that have needed to be confronted in regards to what different people have to face in their lives. It has been very challenging, along with being very satisfying, to have a opportunity to be able to help an individual to cope, deal with the problems, situations that sometimes arises in our world. If I had my life to live over again, I have to say that I would still choose the position that I currently hold, that God has placed me in, and that is helping people to get through tough times in this life of ours.

Learning to Manage Stress

Have you ever had one of those days where it seems like the world is out to get you? Your to do list is too long, your bank account is empty, the kids are driving you crazy, and you just want to curl up into a ball and hope everything fixes itself. These are all examples of stressors. Stressors are an unavoidable part of life and each person reacts to situations that provoke stress differently. Having the right attitude and knowing how to manage stress is an important task because stress can take a toll on your health.

Not all stress is bad. Actually, some stress keeps us safe. For example, if a woman sees a strange man while walking alone to her car after work, she may go back to her place of employment and ask somebody to walk with her. In this case, the strange man was her stressor and she reacted by asking for help. When we encounter a situation that stresses us out, it's our fight or flight response taking action. Some people will choose to run from the problem, others will face it head on.

Stress can display itself as a behavioral, physical, and/or emotional symptom. During my final year of college I went to the doctor because my jaw hurt so bad that I could barely open it. I was surprised when "stress" was my diagnosis. When stress becomes unmanageable, people are setting their bodies up to be more prone to colds and infections, restless nights, problems with their stomach, muscle tension, and fatigue.

There are a lot of situations that cause stress. It's important to build healthy relationships, so you have a support system during stressful times. You should also avoid being overwhelmed by creating realistic daily to do lists. Also, make sure these to do lists are not full of "have to be done" items like taking out the garbage, doing the dishes, finishing laundry, and scrubbing the floor. Include something for yourself everyday, whether it is to finish a chapter from your book, get a facial, or take a class.

Meeting goals can also cause a great deal of stress. For example, somebody may have the goal of losing 20 pounds by the end of the month. This goal is too aggressive to happen in one month. Instead, goals should be broken down into small and manageable steps. For example, the goal could first be to stop eating fast food and to eat fewer calories. Now, the goal is more manageable because the expectations are more realistic. From here a deadline goal could be set to lose 4 pounds by the end of the month by sticking to your small steps.

Delegating some responsibilities is another way of reducing stress in your life. If you need help from your coworkers, family, or friends then you should ask for it. Also, if somebody is delegating a responsibility to you, it's okay to say no. In fact, you should say no if you already have an overwhelming number of things that need to be done. Some people end up with more than they can handle because they say yes every time they're asked to do something.

When stress takes over, avoid drugs and alcohol which can make everything worst. This would also be a time to practice relaxation techniques such as yoga and meditation. Don't let stress take over your life and remember that it's a temporary state. Things will get better.

Reduce Stress by Budgeting Your Time

You've heard the expression, "Time is money." Learning to budget your time, just as you budget your money, can help organize your life and reduce stress, thus improving your health and overall quality of life.

This may seem obvious, but many people still have trouble declining extra demands on their time, especially when it involves commitments to people or causes we care about. But, if you don't put yourself first once in a while, there won't only be nothing left of your time, but there will be nothing left of you. Learning to simply say "no" without giving an explanation is one way to make a budget cut-back on your time. Commitments that cause you excess stress, simply aren't worth it.

Another way to cut down on unnecessary drains on your time is to learn to delegate. To do this, you may have to let go of your perfectionism and realize that other people can do a good job, too - even if they don't handle things exactly as you would. This can be as simple as letting someone else in the family take over household chores once in a while or hiring someone to take on the tasks of a personal assistant, housekeeper or gardener. Allow an employee to take over an area of your work that you usually do, but which realistically can be delegated. Some things must be done to perfection - but not everything. Reassess these areas of your life. Relinquishing a little bit of control in one area of your life will help you take control in other areas

Make time for sufficient sleep and exercise. Both of these energize you and make you better able to take on the tasks of the day. Make sure you get the right amount of sleep for you. This amount varies from 6 to 9.5 hours for most people. Allow, at least, half an hour a day for some kind of physical activity that you like whether it is walking, weight training, Pilates, aerobics. Gardening doesn't count! It must be sustained physical activity. Start gently. Remember, you're in it for life!

Organize your time! This is easier than you think. You don't have to plan every hour of your day - adhering to a tight schedule would definitely be a cause of stress! But, in the evening, plan the following day, jot down the things you must do on a note pad. Then think of which of these obligations can be delegated or even knocked off the list. Be sure to allow time for exercise and time with people you care about. Accomplishing a little bit every day gives you a sense of self-mastery. When you learn how to budget your time, it gives you more control over your life, reduces your stress level and improve your overall health.

Ways to Develop Leadership Skills

Leadership skills should not be taken for granted; the basis of all businesses rely on good these skills. That is why it is important for those who want to develop their careers to develop their leadership skills. Career is not just about getting a degree. If you want to grow upwards, you should be able to take on responsibilities and get people to follow you. You should know the right time to step up and to share your ideas with those who are around you and globally. Making a difference in the world requires people who are smart, skilled and are raring to go all the way while influencing people.

It is important that one gets training on how to handle various leadership roles. This empowers one to know how to react under various circumstances, no matter how difficult. There are a number of methods one can use to develop their skills. These include learning through conferences, books, practically and personal coaches. It is important to choose a method which principally teaches the value of hard work, fortitude and people skills. Without these, it is impossible to become a good leader.

One of the leadership skills that one needs to learn in order to develop their careers in a competitive environment is business skills. This includes being aware of how the latest technologies affect business as well as being knowledgeable about business functions such as record keeping and book keeping. Be aware of what's going on in the business world and various policies and procedure and how they affect business.

It can never be too early or too late to build leadership skills. As you advance in your career it is important that you build your leadership skills. One of the ways you can do these is through incorporating various values into your lifestyle. These include being emotionally established. Being firm and assertive, confident, self assured and developing those under you. These values basically help you to know and understand your strengths and weaknesses and what your drive is. That way you can be able to lead others in a healthy way.

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